Loves final journey
by T-Destiny
Summary: “If Lily is worth it to you then you will do whatever it takes.” Sirius said. James sighed looking at her. Everything about her was beautiful to him. “Your right. She is worth it.” He said with a smile. “She is worth everything and then some.”
1. Worth it

_Stir counter clockwise, as many times as it takes for your potion to take effect. It should look clear as water when completed. _

Lily was working hard to put the finishing touches on her potion, so much so she wasn't paying attention to the paper airplane note that was whizzing around her head. Even once or twice it flew directly in front of her face, she merely swatted at it as if it were an annoying bug rather than a private message from a friend. It wasn't until Professor Slughorn announced the end of potion making period that she took notice of it. She snatched it out of the air before Slughorn saw it and stashed it under her book for safe keeping. She only risked reading it once he was thoroughly distracted testing a perfectly completed potion by Snape, her former best friend and best potion maker in the year.

"This is simply wonderful" Slughorn announced to the class.

Lily quickly opened the note and read the handwriting that she recognized immediately as her friend Marry's which read

_James has been watching you all through class. It is so cute how he adores you so!_

Lily shook her head and glanced at Marry who was smiling profusely and then at James, an attractive boy with hazel eyes and dark messy hair, who although wasn't looking at her when she read the note looked up hopefully as soon as he noticed she was looking at him. She looked away quickly and jotted a reply to Marry.

_So …what's new?_

Slughorn was by then testing Siruis Black and James Potters potions. It didn't take much time for either, they were passable but nothing remarkable as usual. Which impressive considering James did it while watching Lily throughout the class. _They are so talented, too bad they waste all their talents on their stupid pranks and games. _Lily thought to herself. It didn't take long for the paper airplane not to come spinning back to her.

_Oh, come on. _

_You know any girl in the school would give anything for James or even one of his friends to look at them the way James looks at you._

_ And you don't even appreciate it._

Lily wrote back:

_Why should I? He is a git. You know it is true. _

_He spends more time on his pranks and new inventive ways of torturing me than he does on school. _

_And he thinks he is gods gift to earth. It is disgusting._

Lily only barely got the note off before Slughorn came to test her potion. She smiled as he came by.

"ah, Lily, my star pupil. Or should I say one of my star pupils." He sent a fleeting smile at Snape. "How have you done today?" He said as he bend over her potion.

"It was a bit challenging. I haven't done a potion like this in a while." She said.

"Don't be silly dear, this is wonderful! Only barely beaten by Severus. It smells perfect, it is merely a little too light. But don't fret my dear, you deserve full marks, if not more. This is a splendid potion."

He then moved, reluctantly to the next student, a sour looking Slytherin who sat in front of a smoking seemingly empty couldron.

"Oh, dear." he said under his breath as he left her table.

He was only barely in time to miss the paper airplane land back in front of Lily.

_Yeah, if you call asking you out and constantly flattering you torture._

_I do_, thought Lily. James Potter is popular, he is a great qutich player, is extremely smart and talented and is attractive. Any girl in Hogwarts would love to date him, all but Lily that is. Maybe that's why he tries so hard to get her attention. He had been asking her out ever since she can remember. _It is our sixth year, I have never given in… why does he think I will now?_

Profession Slughorn finished testing the potion and dismissed the class which filed out towards the great hall for lunch. Marry waited for Lily in the hall. Lily did not look happy.

"What?" Marry said while smiling guiltily.

"Why do you have to be on his side?" Lily said

" He is endearing. You have to admit it."

"No, I don't, he doesn't mean it. Its just a cocky power trip. He cant stand the fact that I wont go out with him."

"I don't know about that. I mean, you don't see the way he looks at you when your not looking. Besides you don't even try to see the real James, give him a chance. He isn't quite the same cocky jerk of last year."

"Oh, please I don't believe he has changed that much in 6 months."

"Oi! Evens!" James yelled through the hall.

"Right on cue." Lily said under her breath to Marry.

James came jogging up from behind her followed shortly by sirius who put his arm around a 5th year huffelpuff who blushed profusely.

"That was some potion, huh? You always have to be better than me, don't you?" James said

"Maybe if you actually tried it might be a challenge for me." She sped up to get away from him.

"Oh, come on. Why do you have to be that way, sweetheart!"

Srius tapped James on the arm and they sped away down some random corridor that as far as Lily knew, led to no where. But to her amazement only a few moments later she discovered that they has beaten her and Marry to the great hall now joined by the rest of the marauders, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

"How do they do that?" Marry asked incredulously. Lily shrugged.

_____

Later that day Lily walked towards the Gryffindor common room with her nose in a book. Sirius walked past her looking at her curiously. She looked up.

"What?" she said innocently.

"Oh, nothing just wondering how you do that. It takes talent to walk and read and not run into a wall or something. I'm impressed Lily my dear."

"Uh, thanks…" she said as they walked into the common room.

James was sitting in a chair by the fire with an open book in his hands, as Lily and Sirius walked in he looked up from his conversation with a blonde seventh year with a confused, almost accusing look on his face. Sirius headed to James and sat next to him.

"What's that about?" James asked Sirius.

"What?"

"Your all buddy buddy with Lily now?"

"Not quite mate. Just happened to be walking in at the same time and I commented her on her talent for walking and reading at the same time."

James didn't look satisfied but he didn't say anymore.

Lily wasn't far behind Sirius and as she passed he looked at James with a strange look on her face. "When did you start reading, James? I though you already knew everything" She said.

" Oh, I do. I just have to keep up appearances." he responded with a smile.

The blonde girl next to him glared daggers at Lily, apparently angry for distracting James from her. She got up an walked quickly up to the girl dormitories. James noted her departure seemingly pleased. He called to Lily who was already heading towards a secluded seat near the window. "Hey, Lily. Why don't you take the seat by the nice warm fire, it seems it has just become unoccupied. You will catch a cold over all the way over there"

It only took about 3 seconds for Peter to jump into the seat and James glared at him.

"Ill be just fine, thanks." She responded and continued reading Hogwarts a History.

"Way to go Wormtail" Sirius said

"Oh, please. Like she was going to come anyway." he said and Sirius shrugged.

"You know Prongs maybe you should try changing up your tactics with Lily." Lupin said as he sat on the ground by the other three.

"Its true, the fair Lily Evans doesn't seem to respond well to you now a days." Sirius said.

"Has she ever responded well?" Peter asked.

"Or have you given up on actually getting her to go out with you?" Lupin asked.

"He will never give up, are you kidding? He is obsessed." Sirius said.

"I'm not obsessed." James said defensively. Sirius shook his head and both Lupin and Peter shrugged.

"She will give in some day." James said while looking over at her.

"It has been six years, mate. Maybe its time to try some other girls. Hogwarts is ripe with hotties who would line up to go out with you."

"I have tried other girls… none of them are like Lily."

"What hot headed and short tempered?"

"And smart, witty, beautiful and many other things I could list for you. Although I'm sure you wouldn't want to sit through that. It my take a while."

Sirius grunted. "Okay, look. I know how you feel about her. But I think Lupin is right. You need to change tactics."

"But how? I have changed. I haven't messed with Snivellus or anyone else for that matter in months. What more does she want."

"You need to make her see that you have changed. As far as she knows your still the same old James whose only ambition in life is a good laugh." Lupin said.

"Ugh, this is going to be hard."

"If she is worth it to you then you will do whatever it takes." sirius said seriously.

James sighed looking at her. Her beautiful red hair that keeps falling in her face as she reads, her bright amazing green eyes, he dreams about those eyes almost every night. Her soft skin, her smile, the way she tilts her head as she reads. Her lips, how he would give anything to touch his lips to hers.

He shook his head to escape the trance she unknowingly put on him.

"Your right. She is worth it." He said with a smile.

"She is worth everything and then some."


	2. Valentines day

The next morning Lily woke up in a terrible mood. She looked around and saw that Marry was already getting ready, she took at least 20 minutes to do her hair and make up each morning. Lily grunted and said "This is going to be a terrible day.".

"Okay, negative Nancy, what's the deal? What's so terrible about today, I think it will be a terrific day." Marry was simply beaming.

"It valentines day." Lily said as if it were the most disgusting thing in the world.

"I know! I'm so excited. Do you think Sirius will ask me to be his Valentine?" Marry asked.

"Yeah, you and 20 other girls." Lily said and rolled over to avoid Marry's evil glare directed straight at Lily.

"What has you all in a bunch? The only people that dislike Valentines day are people who know they wont be asked by anyone and you could have a line of guys waiting for you."

"No, all I have in my future is James Potter. This is his big day to embarrass me in front of the school, every year it's the same thing."

Alice was just getting up, she yawned and smiled. "Aw, Lily. I'm sure someone else will ask you too." She said.

"No, they wont. Everyone else is afraid of James. They wouldn't dare ask me out with him around."

"Oh my Merlin!" Marry said all of the sudden excited. "I have an Idea. Wouldn't it be great if you asked someone else out?"

"What?" Lily and Alice said together.

"Ask someone else out, James wouldn't dare do anything then. And can you imagine the look on his face?"

Lily smiled, "that's evil." she said.

"No, he pushed you to it. All is fair in love and war." Alice said then started laughing. "This is going to be great."

"I don't know if I can do it. I have never asked anyone out before, and it has to be someone I could actually like."

"We will help you, but who is it going to be? What about Steve McMillan? He's pretty good at quitich." Marry said

"No, he is dating Emily York." Alice said.

"Hmm, what about…." apparently what Marry had a thought that was too good to say, she started laughing before she could get the words out.

Alice and Lily both looked at her wondering what that was all about.

"Oh, god what now?" Lily asked.

"This is too terrible, but hilarious none the less." Marry said. "Oh, goodness, what would he do… what would all of them do." She said to herself then started laughing again.

Both Alice and Lily yelled "What!"

What marry said next was difficult to understand between her laughing "you-- could- ask- Si-ri-us Black!"

Alice practically screamed then fell on the ground laughing. Sirius is James best friend and the only guy who could rival him for the most popular handsome guy in the school. Of course they don't compete, they are a double team. If Lily, James object of obsession asked his best mate, who is attractive and popular out… the repercussions would be impossible to determine. All anyone knows it that it would hurt James.

Lily was laughing too at the possibility but finally said. "Guys, you know I cant do that, right?"

"Yea, it would be too terrible. You could ruin their friendship and breaks James heart all at once. That is way too mean." Alice said.

"Yes, I agree. But Hypothetically it is the best idea I have ever come up with." She said with a devious smile.

Hannah abbot walked in excitedly and didn't even take a moment to say hello, just burst out with "Guess what! They're having a Valentines day dance tonight! They planned it last minute. Classes are canceled so that we can go to Hogsmead and get ready!"

"Really! That's terrific!" Alice proclaimed.

Marry was dumbstruck, she stared with her mouth wide open. "This is my dream come true." She said

"Why would they cancel classes for a last minute dance. That is a little random." Lily asked

"I think someone special came to visit. A lady from another school or something. And they are throwing it in her honnor." Hannah said. "I'm going to go get ready for Hogsmead. Just wanted to let you guys know the happy news! See you later!"

"This is perfect Lily. You can just ask someone to the dance. And hogsmean will be much easier to avoid James." Alice said.

_____

James was sitting in the Common room with Sirius and Lupin. They had just heard the news about the Valentines dance and Sirius was talking excitedly about which girl to take.

"Sarah is a great dancer, but Marry will probably look better in a dress." Sirius said with a smile. "Yes, I think I will go with Marry. What about you, Prongs?"

James looked up from what looked like serious thought. "Lily of course. Although I'm sure she will never say yes."

"I don't think you should ask her." Lupin said.

"What? I always ask Lily."

"Exactly. It's what she expects. Your trying to show her the new James. She will take notice if you don't do what she would probably bet her life you would do."

"But not ask Lily.. What if someone else does?"

"You'll just have to rely on your rep to stop any guy from trying." Sirius said.

James sighed. He didn't like this idea, but he supposed Lupin was right. "So then do I ask someone else? Or go alone."

"That is up to you, mate." Lupin said.

"I would take someone else, maybe you can make her jealous." Sirius said.

"She would have to like me to be jealous." James said sadly.

"Well, _I_ would go alone." Lupin said, "Just be there for her. And if someone doesn't take her then you can ask her to dance like a gentleman. I think she wouldn't mind that."

James smiled. _Okay, that doesn't sound that bad_.

Just then Marry, Lily and Alice came down from the girls dorms giggling. Well, Alice and Marry were giggling, Lily was merely smiling. Alice whispered something to Lily that made her look shocked and then started laughing in earnest.

"What's going on with them?" James asked. He liked seeing Lily laugh, it wasn't something he was used to. She was usually so serious.

The girls walked quickly out the portrait of the fat lady to get away from the guys before James could hit on Lily.

"I'm surprised he didn't ask you right there." Marry said.

"He probably has some master scheme going on. Just wait" Lily said.

_____

The girls spent the day picking out dresses and jewelry at Hogsmead while the guys spent the day harassing first and second year students in the school with the help of Peeves the poltergeist, who loved the marauders and their constant mischief. They eventually decided to head to the three broomsticks for some butter beers. "I have to find Marry before someone else asks her to the dance, anyway."

The three broom sticks was packed as usual, Once inside the marauders saw the three girls sitting at a table by the wall. Sirius elbowed James as he walked over to them. "Hello ladies" He said with a smile and sat down in an empty chair. James and Lupin pulled up a chair each and joined them. Lily looked appalled, she was of course waiting for James to ask her out any second now. "Oh, by all means, join us." Lily said sarcastically. Siruis hadn't taken his eyes off of Marry who was blushing and wearing the biggest smile she could muster. "So, sweetheart. Anyone ask you to the big dance yet?" He said to her. "No." She said innocently. "A pretty girl like you? Hmm, what can we do about this?" Marry just smiled. "Would you have any objects with me escorting to the dance this evening, my sweet?"

"Oh, I don't know." She said with a smile. "what would my mother think?"

"come on, I'm a nice gentleman."

"Ha, I don't know about that. But yes I will go with you to the dance."

"Of, course you will." Sirius smiled.

He then looked at James. Lily gulped then saw a cute boy with dirty blonde hair outside. She knew this was her moment. She excused herself and walked outside. To her surprise James neither stopped her or follow her.

Lance was a Huffelpuff, he was very smart and was in the slug club with Lily. He even played seeker just like James. He was the perfect date for Lily.

"Lance!" Lily called out. He had been playing a game of fanged Frisbee but stopped abruptly and almost got his ear chopped off by not paying attention. His eyes lit up when he saw that It was Lily calling his name. He jogged over to her. "Lily, what's up? Where is Marry?"

"Her and Alice are being harassed by the marauders, I just barely got away." she said with a smile.

The mention of the marauders made his smile falter but he regained his confidence within a few seconds.

"So, what's going on, Lily."

"well I was wondering if you had a date to the dance tonight?" She blushed and looked down at the ground.

Lance looked like he could jumped ten feet in the air, his smile grew til it looked like it would reach his ears.

" No. I don't actually" Lily smiled and looked at him.

"Would you like to go with me?" She said

"Are you kidding? I would give anything to go with you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I have always had a thing for you."

"Okay great. Ill meet you in the Lobby of the Great hall tonight. See you!"

"Wait!"

Lily stopped.

"Do you want to go for a walk right now? Or do you have to get back to your friends?"

Lily looked through the window and saw the boys still sitting with them, they were all laughing, except James. James was looking straight at her, It was obvious he knew what was going on. He didn't look mad or angry, or even really jealous. He looked sad. Lily was confused by this and for a fleeting moment she felt sorry for him. But then she remembered all the things he had done and turned around to Lance and said "I would love to go for a walk with you."

____


	3. The dance

Lily had spent the rest of the day with Lance. They walked down to the shrieking shack together, they didn't have very much to talk about but the time spent together wasn't awkward. In fact Lily quite enjoyed herself. It was nice to receive a little attention from someone other than James.

At first Lances friends were angry with him for ditching their game of Frisbee but when they realized that he was with Lily Evans, The Lily Evans their anger quickly faded away and was replaced by awe and speculation. "I'm not so sure that is a good idea." Brad said. No one messed with the marauders, that is if they didn't want to be the object of terrible pranks day in and day out and that is exactly what Lance was doing by going out with Lily. Lance knew the chance he was taking but he figured it might just be worth it. He wasn't afraid of James, he had beaten him in quitich last year and he wouldn't let a Gryffindor intimidate him away from a girl as beautiful as Lily. Besides it wasn't like he asked her. It would have been rude of him to say no to her.

When Lily and Lance began to walk back towards the school they passed the three broom sticks just as the Marauders and the girls were walking out. When Sirius saw them together his mouth dropped. _What does that guy think he is doing, he knows Lily is off limits _he thought. All James could see was the big smile onto Lily's face, she was happy. Happier that James had seen her in a long time. "This means war!" Sirius said almost loud enough for even Lily and Lance to hear.

"Oh, no! you cant blame him. He didn't even ask her." Alice said

"It doesn't matter. She is off limits!" Sirius said looking over at James. "Right?"

"No." James said to everyone's surprise. Everyone looked at him shocked. "What?" Sirius said.

"Look at her. She is so happy. The last thing I want to do it ruin that for her." He sighed quietly.

The girls looked at him then looked at each other feeling exceedingly guilty.

"James that is the sweetest thing!" Alice said. James shrugged then walked away.

"Well, that's boring." Sirius said.

______

Lily was dressed in an emerald green, low cut dress that fit her perfectly. Of course she always wore green on special occasions, it was her favorite color and it looked so stunning on her. She wore her hair up in a bun with a few strands that hung down framing her face.

"You look hot!" Marry said.

"Eh, its nothing." Lily said but she had a big grin on her face. Marry was wearing a purple tight fitting dress and Alice light blue flowing dress. They all looked great.

They walked down to the common room where Sirius, James, Lupin and Peter were waiting.

"You look beautiful." Sirius said. "You all do."

"I've got to go find my date, I will see you guys there" Alice said.

"Oh, who are you going with?" Lupin asked.

"Frank Longbottom." She said with a huge grin then walked out of the portrait hole.

"James." Lily said as she approached the him.

"Hello, Lily. You look absolutely amazing by the way. Not that that is surprising, you always look beautiful." He said sincerely, which surprised Lily and for the first time ever James Potter made her blush.

"Thank you. You don't look too bad yourself. But I should go find my date as well. I told him I would meet him outside the Great Hall."

"We can go with you, we have no more reason to wait here." Lupin said.

"Well, I have to wait for Angela. But you guys go ahead" Peter said.

"That's right I forgot you had a date, Wormtail." Sirius said. Peter smiled proudly.

____

They all walked down together but James' eyes never left Lily. As they were walking down the stairs Lily tripped and nearly fell but James' arms quickly caught her around her stomach. For a brief second James arms were wrapped around Lily, she looked into his eyes and felt something he hadn't ever felt around him: butterflies. She said thanks quickly then continued walking determined not to look at him… or to trip again. He smiled.

When they finally made it to the great hall Lily was relieved to see Lance. He looked very handsome in his dress robes. When he saw her his jaw dropped. _Yep, this is definitely worth it_. He thought.

James didn't like the look Lance had on his face. He was looking at her like she was a piece of meat or so James thought. _he better respect her or he'll have hell to pay_. He thought to himself.

They all walked into the great hall and James lost Lily in the crowd of people. He was looking around when Lupin grabbed his arm. "Come one, mate. Leave her be for a bit."

James decided to let loose a little and have some fun instead of worrying about Lily. He danced with a few girls here and there and talked to some of his Quitich buddies. Once or twice he spotted Lily, she looked like she was having a good time. He was worried that she might have too much fun with that git. He wanted her to be happy, but he didn't want Lance, or anyone else for that matter, to be the one making her happy. Still he wouldn't let himself ruin it for her.

After a while he caught Lily looking at him while he was dancing with a seventh year raven claw. He was surprised, but she looked away as soon as he noticed her. _I wonder that that was about. _he thought. James was content, he was having a bit of fun but was still preoccupied with Lily.

Lily on the other hand was having a splendid time. Lance was a gentleman. He wasn't the greatest dancer but that didn't really matter. She did notice, however that James was a great dancer. She caught herself looking at him dancing with romilda, a pretty raven claw girl. Unfortunately both James and Lance caught her looking too. Lance didn't look very happy at this. He seemed to become defensive suddenly. "You know I beat him to the snitch in last years quitich game. It was for the house cup and everything." He said to her.

"Well, that's cool." She said, not all that interested.

"Yeah, and we play again next weekend. I bet I will beat him again." He said "Gryffindor's quitich team sucks." he added unnecessarily.

"Um, you know I'm a Gryffindor, right?" She said angrily.

"Oh, yea. I know. Its just I don't like him. What a git, with his stupid messed up hair and everything. I heard his mom is fat and his dad is a rich snob who buys everything for him. He isn't even that good at quitich. And his friend are complete idiots."

Then, Lily found herself doing something else she had never done before, something that shocked even her: She stood up for James Potter.

"Excuse me? You're the Git, calling his mom fat. You don't know anything about him or his family and I just happen to be one of his _idiot_ friends, thank you very much!"

She practically yelled at him. She started to walk away but then turned back around and said " And by the way James is better than you at quitich any day! We all know you were just put on the team as a last resort when Lee graduated!"

Lance was left standing there in the middle of the dance floor shocked and alone. James only noticed something was wrong when he saw Alice staring towards the dance floor, James looked and saw Lance walking away alone. But where was Lily? He looked around and saw her walking out of the great hall too quickly for everything to be normal. Something was wrong. James abruptly left his dance partner without a word and followed her. _If that git did something to upset her… _

He walked out of the great hall to see her sitting alone on the steps. He decided to get a drink for her before going to see what was wrong. He walked out slowly with two drinks in his hands. Lily looked as if she were ready to cry. It took a lot of strength not to freak out and demand to know what Lance had done to upset her then turn back around and pommel the guy into little bits. But James kept his composure, comforting Lily was more important than getting back and that git… at least for now.

He walked over and sat next to her. She looked up at him with smiled a weak smile. "Nice night, huh." She said as he handed her one of the drinks. "Thanks" She said.

"Eh, it could have been better."

"Heh, yes it certainly could have. I guess your wondering why I'm out here?"

"Well, yes of course I'm curious. But you don't have to tell me."

She took a few minutes and told him about their argument. James looked at her stunned that she had stood up for him like that. Lily looked at his stunned face and said "what" rather self consciously.

"Did you really tell him you were one of my friends?" he asked.

"well, yeah. Is there something wrong with that."

"No, not at all. I just didn't think you considered me a friend, that's all." Lily smiled. " Yeah, I guess in some bizarre way you are my friend. When your not hitting on me anyway. That gets kind of annoying by the way."

"Yeah." he said, not knowing what else to say.

" I was surprised you didn't ask me to the dance today."

"Were you disappointed?" he asked hopefully, although he already knew the answer.

"No. I just expected you to. This is the first Valentines day I have gone without you asking me out since I started here at Hogwarts."

"Well, the day isn't over yet." He said and Lily smiled, amused.

"I was also surprised you didn't freak out when you found out I was going with Lance."

"Well, honestly I was freaking out on the inside. But you looked so happy… I didn't want to ruin that. Of course he would find a way to ruin it himself. _Idiot."_

"Hey, be nice." she said.

"What? its true. He had a chance to be with you and he let his immature jealousy get in the way. That makes him the biggest idiot in existence. Being with you would have been the ultimate way of beating me. Beating me to the one thing I want the most, but can never have." Lily didn't know what to say. What he was saying was incredibly sweet, but also made things a bit awkward.

"hey, thanks for standing up for me by the way. You didn't have to you know." He said when she didn't say anything.

" I know, half of the things he said were true. But it was the way he said them, and the stuff about your parents and friends… he just went too far."

" do _you_ think my hair is stupid?" he asked.

Lily laughed. "The way your always running your fingers threw it to mess it up even more. It is so typical _James. _Yes, I think it is stupid sometimes. But don't be too self conscious. Every other girl in the school thinks its super cool." She said with a smile.

" but I don't care about every other girl." he said seriously.

A part of Lily wanted to tell him that she still thought he was attractive, even with his stupid hair because she knew she was bringing down his self esteem but her pride wouldn't let her do it. It was hard enough to admit it to herself.

"hey, you want to go back up to the common room with me? I don't want to go back to the dance." Lily said.

" Yeah, id like that."

They walked slowly across the castle. James asked "Do you think we can really be friends now? Cause that would mean a lot to me"

Lily thought for a minute then said. "Yes. But you will have to promise to cut back on hitting on me, and asking me out."

"Hmm, does that include calling you sweet cheeks, and love, and beautiful and muffin? "

"Sweet cheeks and muffin: yes! But I supposed I can handle love and beautiful occasionally. It is nice to be flattered every once in a while."

"hmm, you drive a tough bargain. I suppose I can handle that…. Besides you didn't say I could _never _ask you out. Just cut it back… to what like once a day instead of three? " He said with a huge grin. Something about that smile made Lily's stomach drop. She couldn't help but smile in return.

"Okay, just kidding. How about once a week?"

"How about never?"

"No way. You already agreed to just '_cutting it back a little_.'"

"You are so difficult James Potter!"

" A true friend would love me the way I am!" he said and started laughing.

"If I'm not a true friend, then I must be in it for something... hm"

"Yup, you just want me for my Body." He said while trying to talk and walk Sexy.

"Oh, god!" She said with a laugh.


	4. Quitich

**The crowd was roaring, the stands were full of rowdy witches and wizards sporting their house colors. Of course the yellow of Hufflepuff and the Red of Gryffindor dominated since they were the two teams competing but the other houses were present to witness the game as well.**

"**Whoa! Look at her go. Emma is maneuvering through the Hufflepuff defenders extremely quick, that new broom stick is proving its worth in the this game." Mel Patterson was announcing the quitich game. " She flies straight at Tyler the Hufflepuff keeper, no hesitation. She feints and SHE SCORES! Gryffindor seems to be catching up, the score is now 60 to 90 Hufflepuff." **

**James was flying high over the pitch struggling to find the snitch before that idiot Lance. He would stop at nothing to beat him today. James is generally a competitive guy, but this was different. This was personal… this was about Lily. **

"**Any luck, chump?" Lance called out from a few yards away. James ignored him. "Its okay, I'll let you know when I see it. That way I can give you a head start. Its no fun if I can beat you with my eyes closed." **

"**Hmph. That would be pretty impressive." James said under his breadth. **

"**I can out fly you any day, **_**Lancey." **_**He said to him.**

"**By the way how is Lily doing? I was disappointed that she left the dance early. I was looking forward to **_**after**_**."**

"**What are you talking about?"**

" **We were planning on taking a trip to the men's bathroom for a little fun. You know!"**

" **Don't you ever talk about Lily like that, you prat!"**

"**Whoa, a little defensive, aren't we?… I don't know why, Lily will **_**never**_** like you, you know. You know its true…You know why she asked me to that dance in the first place? Any excuse to get away from you. She **_**hates**_** you! Your pathetic. Why don't you just do both her and yourself a favor and leave her alone."**

**James was stunned. He didn't know what to say, or what to think. He knew that Lance was doing and saying what ever he could just to bother James. The problem was, it was working. **

"**Aw, poor little James is heart broken!" Lance pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. **

**Just then Lance spotted something towards the end of the pitch and was off like lightening. **

"**Looks like Lance, Hufflepuffs seeker has spotted the snitch! And if he has then James wills have some serious catching up to do in order to get to it before Lance!" Mel was saying over the speakers.**

**But James was already on it, it didn't take long to spot the snitch himself. He only took a second or two to catch up to Lance, they were neck and neck. The snitch flew in and out of players on the field both James and Lance nearly knocked their teammates off their brooms while trying to gain on the other. **

"**You gotta be fast than that to get there before me Potter!" But James had just pulled ahead, Lance reached out and punched James in the leg to distract him enough for Lance to pull ahead, he his hand was nearly around the snitch.**

"**Its funny, cause I thought I was playing Hufflepuff today! **_**Loyal and just. **_**But you clearly belong in Slytherin." James said. This wasn't meant as an insult really, just a thought that occurred to him. Lances smile faded away so quick it was incredible, he eyes got wide, his broom slowed and his arm sunk down. James took this opportunity to get ahead of him and grabbed the snitch with his right arm and held it up to the roaring crowd. Lance looked like he had been slapped in the face as he turned and flew back down to the field. He didn't stop to look at any of his teammates he just walked quickly back up the castle. **

**This moment was bitter sweet to James. He had won the game, he had beaten Lance. But something was bothering him. Lances words kept popping up in his mind "**_**Your pathetic! Just do her and yourself a favor and leave her alone.**_**" **

**The next few hours were a blur, many people were around him, congratulating him on another win. There was a party in the common room but he didn't stay long. He wasn't in the mood to be around people so he went up to his room. After a while Sirius and Lupin came to check on him. "Hey man what's up? Why aren't you down stairs celebrating? You won the game!" Sirius said and he hit him on the shoulder.**

"**Eh, Im just not in the mood." James said.**

"**For real, what could possibly be wrong? You usual love the part and all the attention after a game."**

"**Nothing. Just not in the mood."**

"**Come on. We know there is something wrong James." Lupin said. **

" **I really don't want to talk about it. I think I'm just going to go to bed a little early tonight."**

"**You sure, man?" Sirius said.**

"**Yep. Ill be much better in the morning."**

"**Alright then. Suit yourself."**

"**Good job by the way, that was a close one." Lupin said and they both walked out of the room leaving James alone. He wasn't really tired he just needed some time alone to think. **


	5. The plan

After the Valentines day dance Lily and James had stayed up for hours talking. For the first time it felt natural to talk to him and Lily was enjoying it. She felt like they were actually becoming friends, real friends. The next day he walked with her to class and they even sat next to each other in the great hall during lunch. Lily was seeing a whole new James. He was still cocky, and girls still gawked at him which annoyed Lily to no end, he still ran his hand through his hair in that obnoxious way and he still made fun of many of their class mates but there was definitely something different about him.

Maybe it was just the way Lily perceived him.

She started to notice some of his better qualities instead of only the bad ones that she could never look past before. Like how he really cared about his friends, and he would do anything for them. She noticed that he spoke much different when he was alone with Lily than he did when he was around other people, which while some people might think of that as a bad thing, but it actually didn't bother Lily. It made her feel like she was special, that he could only _really_ be his self around _her_. But her all time favorite thing about him was his smile, he could light up a room with it and he always seemed to smile the biggest brightest and most sincere smile when he was with Lily. And there seemed to be something in his eyes that just made Lily feel safe.

Now don't get too excited here, Lily was no where close to falling in love with this kid. She was way too stubborn and proud to fall that easy, especially to _James Potter_. But she had gone from absolutely loathing him to actually enjoying his company, so it was a major improvement.

Unfortunately, this only lasted a few days. Everything was peachy up until the quidditch game against Hufflepuff. She even wished him good luck and told him to beat that dirt bag Lance for her, which he did.

But after the game he was no where to be found. At first Lily couldn't get within 3 feet of him because of all the people crowding around him and then he just seemed to disappear from the party in the common room. But it wasn't until the next day that she started to suspect that he was avoiding her. She didn't even catch a glimpse of him until their Potions class that day and even then he wouldn't look her in the eye. She said hi to him as she walked in and he just looked down and said "hi" very low. It wasn't like him at all. Surprisingly, he didn't do well in that days potion and got very low marks and after class he left so quickly she didn't even see which way he went.

None of the marauders were in lunch that day. Lily was starting to feel disappointed that James hadn't talked to her at all. This behavior lasted all week, only once or twice did the guys actually show up for lunch and they even skipped a few classes. She wondered if maybe there was something going on that she didn't know about. But she figured it was probably just some big prank they were planning. She became even more distraught when Marry told her that she had talked to both Sirius and James in the common room the night before and they seemed fine. Maybe it was only Lily that they were avoiding?

She thought about walking up to him and demanding to know what his problem was but her pride wouldn't allow it. No, if James Potter didn't want to talk to her then she wouldn't talk to him either. She didn't need him just like he obviously didn't need her. So she did her best to forget him. Forget his ability to make her laugh in any situation, forget his goofy hair and his amazing smile, forget the way he walked with so much pride it made her sick and yet made her envy his confidence. She tried to forget his beautiful hazel eyes and the way she could see his muscles rippling underneath his T-shirt (not that she ever noticed that before ;-). And she did a pretty good job of it for a while. She didn't notice that he always sat as far away from her as possible in the great hall and even sometimes sat at different house tables flirting with other girls. She didn't notice that he was never in the common room when she was there or how he looked away whenever she entered a room. She also didn't notice how sad his eyes seemed all the time, or how insincere his smile was and how forced his laugh seemed. But if she did notice any these things then she did her best to push them from her mind.

______

It was about a month after the Quidditch game against Hufflepuff and Lily was working on homework for Transfiguration. Marry was sitting next to her reading the daily prophet. "Oh, man. Its getting worse out there."

Lily looked up from her essay to listen to what Marry was saying. "There were four disappearances just this week. And 5 muggle killings." there was a long pause until Lily said

"Voldemort is getting stronger isn't he?" Marry didn't say anything. After a few moments Marry put down the paper. "There is nothing we can do about it right now. Besides were safe here at Hogwarts." she said. Lily couldn't help but feel like they should be doing something. But they were still underage and there really wasn't anything they could do to help.

Soon Alice came over to join them. "Hey, guys. How's it going?" She said.

"Good." Marry said and Lily just smiled.

"By the way Lily, Alice and I have been meaning to ask you. What's been going on with you and James?" Marry asked.

A grimace came across Lily's face. "What do you mean?" she said harshly.

"Well you guys seemed to be getting kind of close before and now your like back to hating each other. We were just wondering what happened?" Alice said

"Nothing happened."

"Oh, come on. We know there has to be something. He is a really nice guy underneath it all Lily. Ever since he stopped Sirius from messing with Lance for going with you to the dance I thought that he deserved a shot with you. And it seemed like you were giving it to him."

"He _stopped_ Sirius?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, Sirius was going to do something. He said Lance should know that you were off Limits but James said no. He said he wanted you to be happy and didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that." Alice said. "It was really sweet."

"But now he is like depressed, Its like you broke his heart or something. What did you do, Lily?"

"What did _I_ do? I didn't do anything… things were just fine, I was even enjoying spending time with him but then all of the sudden he just started avoiding me for no reason." Lily tried to restrain her emotions. He was hurt and confused but she wanted to hide that from them. But she didn't do a very good job.

"Aw, Lily. I'm sorry. We just assumed… he looked so hurt and upset…" Alice said.

"What the Hell is wrong with him then?" Marry said. "He was finally getting somewhere with you then he blows it! I'm going to have a word with him." She said as she started to get up.

"Wait! don't do anything mean. Maybe something happened that we don't know about. Obviously something is bothering him." Alice said.

"I won't be mean! or at least I'll try not to be" Marry smiled guiltily.

"No, but even being too blunt could cause trouble" Alice said "I think we need to handle this delicately."

"Okay! Project find out what happened to James Potter is a go!" Marry said quietly.

"Clever" Lily said sarcastically. "By the way, guys, I don't want anything to do with this."

"What, why? Were doing this for you." Marry said.

"James obviously doesn't want anything to do with me so I wont have anything to do with him…. But tell me when you find something out."

"Deal." Alice said. But Marry grimaced. "Your no fun!"

"Come on. Lets go make a plan." Alice said. And the two girls trotted off to the Dorms.

Lily was pleased. Maybe she would find out what was going on with James and why he was so distant… not that she cared. No, she definitely didn't care.


	6. Intervention

**The marauders were sitting in the common room. James flopped on the couch with a "Humph". He flung is head back and closed his eyes like he was just done for the day.**

"**Seriously mate, you've got to snap out of this funk." Siriuss said to him from the other side of the fire. **

"**Hmph" was all he said.**

"**Really. Were worried about you, James. You've got to open up to us. Tell us what is wrong, maybe we can help." Lupin said but James didn't even move.**

"**It's Lily, I know it is" Peter said.**

"**I just don't understand, things were going so well with her." Lupin said.**

"**I know but something must have happened" Peter said**

"**He's lost his mo jo!"**

"**I'm right here, guys. Quit talking like him not here."**

"**Your not mate. You don't even respond when we talk to you." Siruis said.**

**James lifted his head to look at them. "I'm fine guys, I just haven't felt like myself lately." he said.**

"**It has been a month, prongs." Sirius said.**

"**Yea, that isn't lately." Peter said James took a deep breath. "Okay, why don't we go mess with some first years?" he said with a smile, but the guys noticed that it didn't reach his eyes.**

'**I don't think that is a good idea" Sirius said**

"**You can't keep pretending that nothing is wrong, James." Lupin said. **

"**Please! Just tell us what it is that is bothering you." Sirius said.**

**James took a deep annoyed breath. "Okay, fine. It is Lily." he shook his head and looked down. "She is better off without me. She has never and will never want me."**

**Things had only been getting worse with James. He noticed that Lily didn't seem to mind that they hadn't talked in over a month. This only made him feel like he was right about her, well Lance was right about her. She didn't want or need James. So he might as well leave her alone.**

"**So you just gave up?" Peter said.**

" **Wormtail is right Prongs, you cant just give up. You've come this far!" Lupin said.**

"**Your **_**James Potter**_**!" Sirius said and hit him on the arm. "Any girl would be lucky to have you, mate! Don't let one get you down!" **

"**She not just some girl, Padfoot." James let his head lean back again.**

"**Why don't you just go talk to her, then?" Lupin said. James shook his head then got up and walked back to the guys dormitory without another word**

"**Okay, we have to do something about him." Lupin said.**

" **But what?" Peter said.**

"**I have an idea." Sirius said and he got up, and walked across the common room towards where Lily and Marry and Alice were sitting.**

"**Hello, Ladies." Sirius said and was followed shortly by Lupin and Peter.**

"**uh, Hi." Lily said. "Hey guys" Alice said and Marry just gave a pretty and welcoming smile.**

"**We would like to have a little chat with you about James." Sirius said. Both Alice and Marry perked up. They were planning on talking to Sirius and Lupin about James too but not in front of Lily. "What about?" Alice said innocently.**

"**Well he has been a bit down lately." Lupin said.**

"**That is a bit of an under exaggeration. He has been a bit **_**depressed**_** lately." Sirius said. Lily didn't show it but she became a bit worried when he said that. Maybe there was something going on with him that she didn't know about. Maybe she shouldn't be so stubborn about not talking to him.**

"**But why?" Marry asked.**

"**We were hoping you could tell us." Sirius said.**

"**You don't know why he is upset? He is your best friend."**

"**I know, that is what is so frustrating. He wont tell us anything." Lupin said.**

"**We were thinking it had something to do with Lily." Sirius said.**

"**No, don't put this on me! I already told the girls, everything was fine then he just stopped talking to me. That's it. I don't know anything else." She was a bit heated, she didn't want to hear about James depression and she definitely didn't want to be blamed for it. "You guys have fun talking about James. Ill talk to you later." She said and she went up the her room.**

"**What's wrong with her?" Peter said.**

"**Isn't it obvious?" Alice said but the guys shrugged.**

"**She is hurt! She was starting to like James ,even if she wont admit it to herself, but then he started avoiding her. And she has no idea why."**

**Sirius took a deep breath. "This is going to be harder than I thought."**

"**I assume you have tried talking to James?" Marry said.**

"**Only like a million times. But we know this is about Lily we just have no idea why. He is under the impression that she is better of without him."**

"**What an idiot." Marry said. "Do you think you can convince James to talk to Lily?"**

"**No. he thinks that she doesn't want to talk to him." Sirius said.**

"**Maybe we can try to convince Lily to talk to James?" Alice said.**

"**I bet that would work but do you think you can?" Lupin**

"**We can try. If that doesn't work than we can always resort to trickery." Marry said with an evil smile.**


	7. this calls for drastic measures!

**This one is reall short, sorry. but I wanted it to be separate from the next chapter which is going to be really good =) hopefully i will write it tonight, otherwise you'll have to wait til monday or tuesday (Tomorrow is my 1 year wedding anniversary :-)**

______________________________________________________

"Lily, we know you like him!" Marry said.

"Even if it is only as a friend." Alice added.

Lily was lying on her bed listening to them talk to her about James but refused to comment in anyway.

"Just talk to him, please."

"Lily, he needs you!" Alice said. This almost motivated Lily, maybe he did need her. No, she knew that wasn't true.

"I enjoyed talking to him for a week, that was it. Its over now and things are back to the way they should be. Were not meant to be friends little own anything else." Lily said.

"You two are both so stubborn it is ridiculous!"

"You know your perfect for each other." Alice said with a laugh.

"I agree. Your wrong about him. You two are meant to be, one day you will see that and you will thank us for all we are doing!" Marry said and smiled.

______

It had been a week since Marry and Alice met with the marauders (minus James) but nothing they tried had worked. They were about to start planning on using trickery to get the two to talk to each other.

"Maybe we can get them both in detention together." Peter said.

"No, Lily would freak out if she got detention and they wouldn't get anywhere" Marry said.

"We will just have to somehow get them in the same room together and lock them in."

"You really couldn't convince Lily to talk to him?"

"No, she is in denial."

"ugh, why does this have to be so difficult."


	8. Epiphany

Lily flopped backward onto her bed and sighed as her head hit the pillow and looked over at James. He was standing just a few feet away with the biggest and sweetest smile Lily had ever seen and she couldn't help but smile sweetly in return.

He took two big steps to close the distance between them. He put his knee on the edge of her bed and bent over top of her, his arms holding him only inches from her and he looked straight into her eyes. His smile was gone, but his eyes were now full of caring and an intense desire. He cupped his hand around her face and leaned into her. They kissed with passion, Lily's eyes closed and she couldn't help but let out a small moan of pleasure. This was want she wanted. This was perfect. His muscled arms and gentle hands ran up her arms lightly, and crossed her chest but then he stopped. He leaned back with a blank expression and started to back away from her. "James, where are you going?.. James." Lily said. Then he was gone.

"James!"

Lily sat up to find her two best friends staring at her. They started laughing and Lily was appalled. "Just stop okay!" She said embarrassed.

"That must have been some dream there, Lily." Marry said with a smug smile.

"I don't know what your talking about." Lily said stubbornly as she got up and started to get dressed. She wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

"You were calling out to James in your sleep" Alice said a little more sweetly than Marry but still too smug for Lily to respond to, instead she just ignored them.

Lily quickly got dressed and left the room quickly. She headed to the girls wash room to take a bath. She needed to have some time to herself to get what had just occurred out of her head.

She was relaxed ,but she couldn't get stop thinking about the dream as she sat in the hot water. She couldn't deny that she had enjoyed it at least not to herself. _Sigh. _But that doesn't mean she really wanted James. No, there was no way she thought of him like that, not now and not ever. She was just not a James Potter kind of girl. She refused to fall for his cocky swagger, his overly conceited smile and goofy hair that he just adored. She would not fall for a guy as arrogant as James Potter! Other girls could fall at his feet but she would always be the one who turned her back to guys like that. But what if he really had changed? she thought. She did notice herself that he wasn't as bad as he had seemed in the past... No, he was still the same James potter she had always known. She could be friends with him, but nothing more. Hell, what did that matter, he didn't want to be her friend anymore, anyway. Her stomach clenched.

Just then Lily noticed something, she was hurt. Hurt that he didn't want to be her friend. Granted, she knew that it bothered her before, but this was more than that.

Lily closed her eyes and she saw the James from her dream, the smile he had given her, the smile she secretly loved. She saw the way he looked at her deeply with his hazel eyes and then she realized that she liked him… Lily _liked_ James Potter… _how did this happen_??

Lily sat there for nearly an hour thinking about this.

She eventually concluded that did really like him, and wanted to be with him. It wasn't just some passing crush, she doesn't know how it happened or where it came form but when she thinks of this face she gets butterflies and she cant help but smile…_What the hell_..

But what would she do? She _cooould_ easily continue to be stubborn and wait for James to come to her. After all, she wanted a guy who _wanted_ her, she admitted that she liked someone who was cocky and conceited as James but she would never become a needy girl who begs for his attention… Although, he had tried to get her attention so many times, maybe he was done trying? Perhaps after all he went through to win her over he deserved to be pursued for once… maybe.

Then she thought about the last time she had seen him. It felt like forever since she had seen him happy. He had been miserable for over a month but she didn't have a clue why. Was it possible for her to pull him out of that funk? Did she have to power to make him better, make him happy again? She smiled.. Well I t was worth a shot, right?

Finally, after about an hour and a half, Lily finally made a decision, not only did she like James but she was going to at least put some effort into starting, well, _some_ kind of relationship-- relationship, _that sounds good _she thought and smiled again… _Ugh! How did this happen_!!


	9. The mistake

Lily walked slowly, but surprisingly happy, back to the Gryffindor common room. She didn't know what exactly she would do or say to James but she wasn't really worried about that. Things were usually pretty natural with him, it was never hard to talk to him.

"Felix felicis" She said to the Fat lady, who smiles and emitted her to the common room. James was no where to be found so she went up the her room to continue getting ready. For the first time she wanted to make sure she looked pretty decent when she talked to James. There she met Alice and Marry who were obviously waiting for her. They smiled (Much less smugly than before, they didn't want to upset her again) when she walked in.

"Finally!" Marry said

Alice ignored her and said "Well, hello. Did you have a nice bath?"

"Yes, actually." She said and couldn't help but smile broadly which confused the girls. _What was going on? _they thought.

"You look happy." Alice said, even though it was a statement there was clearly a question in it.

"I had a lot to think about. And I came to a conclusion that will shock you two." Lily said still smiling.

The girls both got very excited but were still skeptical. "Does it involve James?" They asked.

"Yes." She said shyly.

They talked about what Lily had thought about and what she finally decided and what she would do. When she was finally ready she left alone to go find James. Leaving the two ecstatic, giggling girls behind her.

She came to the common room and found Peter.

"Hey, Peter. Have you seen James?" She asked

"Yeah, He left a little bit a go. He went to the Great hall for breakfast, I think."

"Kay, thanks."

She didn't have to go far to find him. As soon as she walked out of the portrait hole she saw him, Standing just feet to the left. As soon as she saw him her stomach sank. His face was immersed in a 7th year Ravenclaws mouth. They were making out and Lily was disgusted, she only looked for a moment then said "Get a room.". James looked up and saw her she looked down to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes and walked quickly down the steps to get away from them. James had heard the pain in her voice and was shocked. _What was that about, since when does Lily care about who I kiss? _But the tears he had seen were unmistakable. He felt terrible. _Did I really hurt her? _He didn't know if he should follow her or not.

He did, he ran as fast as he could and finally caught up with her leaving the nameless girl behind without a word.

"Lily!.. Lily, are you okay?" He said running in front of her to cut her off. He looked sincerely concerned into her face but all he saw was anger.

"Leave me alone, James. I have no desire to talk to you. Not now not ever!" She said in her anger. This hit James like a slap in the face. He had been right about her, she didn't want him, not now, not ever. He looked down.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way… I just… nothing never mind. Have a nice life, Lily." He said and he turned and walked away.

Alice and Marry walked into the great hall shortly after Lily and were surprised to see her alone and looking much less happy than he had earlier. In fact her demeanor reminded them of how James had looked for the last month.

"Oh, God. What happened?" Alice said to Marry and they walked over to her and sat silently.

"I don't want to talk about it" Lily said as soon as she saw them. They looked at each other concerned but didn't say another word. They would figure out what happened sooner or later…


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry it has been so long. With school and work and such i have been busy as well as a new book which caught my attention for the week: The Gemma doyle series. I suggest it if anyone is looking for a new book. in between my amazing fanfiction updates of course lol.**

"Ugh, these stupid exams!" Mary says while sitting by the fire surrounds by open books. " I have 3 tomorrow. How do they expect me to study for all of them in one night?"

"They don't. They expected you to start studying months ago when they told us to. Or at least a few days ago. I have been telling you that you need to get started for ages. But no, don't listen to me, your friend Lily who isn't the top of our class for nothing." Lily says with a laugh. She usually doesn't through her good marks in her friends faces but it was purely in jest.

"Won't you help a little bit, Lily? Impart in me your immense wisdom?" Mary practically begs

"There is only so much I can do, sweetheart. You can look at my notes but it still requires reading. I am not that good of a witch that I can just throw all my knowledge into your brain."

"Hey guys!" Alice says as she comes walking to them. She finds a chair near by and scoots it over to them. "How's it going?"

"Don't ask! I am so not ready for my exams. I'll be up all night. You will stay with me wont you, Lily… Alice?"

Lily opened her mouth to respond but she is interrupted by loud laughter that suddenly filled the common room, the marauders were walking in through the portrait hole surrounded by 4 or 5 girls. James eyes flash over to where the Lily and her friends were sitting but Lily looked away quickly and so we drew his attention back to his friends.

"How nice." Lily scoffs. " Sorry, Marry. But unless you want to continue in our room then Alice will have to help you tonight." She didn't wait for a response just got up and walked away. She didn't look at James or any of his friends as she walked by even though James' eyes never left her.

"Will she ever get over this?" Alice asked.

It had been months since Lily found James making out with another girl in the hall and Lily hadn't barely looked at James since. Lily's emotions were like a roller coaster. First she hated James, then she enjoying his company, then she started to like him and convinced herself to go after him, then… she hated him again. And she didn't plan on making any more twists or turns when it came to James. They could not be friends. He was incapable to being a true friend, at least that is what Lily told herself.

After 'The incident' she convinced herself that she had been deluded to think James would ever change, and that she was right about him all along. She has lived in denial of her feelings for him since.

"Not until he stops being an idiot!" Marry said loudly. Alice gave her a look that said 'o please'.

"He is running around with all those girls all the time. It is disgusting"

"He isn't doing anything wrong."

"But he is only hurting Lily, and his chance to ever earn her trust."

"Well, he doesn't know that. He still doesn't even know that she had finally warmed up to him."

Marry looks up with a strange gleam in her eye.

"What?" Alice says warily.

"Maybe we should tell him." she says.

"No! we promised Lily that we would tell Ja--"

"Tell me what?" James voice interrupts. His head pops his head into their close circle with a big smile on his face.

"Hello, Ladies." Serious said in his typical pompous way as he joins them as well.

"They were just discussing Lily. I believe I was involved in the conversation somehow. Something she didn't want them to tell me, I believe?" James says

"Hmm, interesting… All right lets out, ladies" Sirius says.

Alice flashes Marry a look. She wonders if Marry will tell James or keep to her promise.

"Oh, well its just… she is merely jealous of your skills with the ladies. She wishes she could make any girl in the school swoon after he as well." She says with an innocent smile.

James grimaces and Sirius says "Interesting, I didn't know our Lily swung that way , that explains why you couldn't woo her, prongs. It is all clear to me now." he says with a far away look.

"Haha" James says angrily.

"Tell her I will hook her up if she would like." Sirius says raising his eye brows up and down. James hits his arm. "Do you think she would let us watch?" Sirius says as James pulls him away and the girls start laughing.

James and Sirius walk back to Lupin and Peter. "Oh, perk up James. I was only kidding."

"Yeah, real funny." James says


	11. Jealousy

"Do you think Lily hates me?" James said while looking over at her as they left their potions exam. She had been working so hard that sweat was beading on her forehead making her hair stick to her head. James smiled at her for a moment then shook his head ridding him of the thought and turned back away from her.

"She doesn't hate you…. She is probably just jealous." Lupin said matter-a-factly. James nearly choked himself. He started coughing so loud everyone in the hall stopped to look at him. "Im good" he said to everyone then turned to Lupin "What do you mean jealous?"

"Jeal-ous. You do know what that means right?" Sirius said not even looking away from a young but pretty girl who he had been flirting shamelessly with.

"You agree with him?…She can't be jealous… jealous of what?" James said as he ran into a second year nearly knocking him down. The boy said "Hey, watch it!" but James barely even noticed.

"You said it yourself, she looked upset when she saw you kissing that one broad and now your always surrounded by girls and she wont barely look at you. It only makes sense."

"No, it clearly makes no sense. She would have to care about me in some fraction of a way in order to be jealous… "

"Your just in denial, mate." Sirius said. James closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Hypothetically, if you were right…. What should I do?… although I'm still not saying I buy it."

"I dunno, Prongs. Maybe start talking to her again?" Lupin said.

"She hates me. She won't talk to me even if I begged her to."

"I didn't say it would be easy. She is stubborn you know that. But isn't it one of the things you like about her?"

James smiled but it didn't last long. His face turned grim again but said nothing more. James took one deep breath, he recognized the fact that he probably should make an effort to talk to her and just get over it.

There was just something that kept getting in the way, it was that stupid knot at the pit of his stomach that told him he wasn't good enough for her. He wanted to be with her but recently he wondered if he was right for her. He knew he could never be good enough, she deserved better than him. But if he could do anything at all to make her happy… then he would have to do it.

Recently when the students weren't talking about exams they were all discussing the war. That week alone three witches from the ministry of magic had gone missing, and everyone dreaded the owl's news each morning praying that it wasn't someone they knew who had disappeared. Many students wished that they could just stay at Hogwarts where it was safe. Although many of the Slitherin's walked the grounds confidently, smiling like they were in on some immense secret. Severus Snape, Lily noticed was apparently in on their secret. She was disgusted that anyone, especially Sev. (her former best friend) could be proud to call themselves death eaters.

All that week James hadn't had an opportunity to talk to Lily. She barely looked up from her books all week, exams were far too important to her. Not that James was seeking out an opportunity, infact he was happy for the excuse to put it off. He focused, instead, on helping Professor Dumbledore keeping the halls safe and free of hysteria (When it wasn't caused by himself of course). It seemed that through the years Dumbledore had learned to care and trust James despite his knack for getting into trouble.

The last few months had been chaos, more and more students were leaving the school and the ones that stayed either pledged their loyalty to you-know-who or were too afraid to walk in the halls alone. This is where James came in. The halls were actually quiet safe, given that no one would dare try to harm Hogwarts when one of the greatest wizards of all time was headmaster. But that didn't stop some of the wanna be death eaters from causing a bit of trouble or trying to recruit more purebloods to 'the cause'.

Soon exams were over and they were sitting in the great hall for one more dinner before they would all leave Hogwarts for the summer. Everyone felt much better now that exams were finished but it just brought into light the mess that they would have to get into when they left the school.

James sat much closer to her than usual to Lily at the Gryffindor table. Instead of being at the complete opposite sides of the table, they on the same side with only about 15 people separating them. Well, it was a slight improvement, anyway.

James was looking to see if Lily would even notice him but was distracted when he saw Bellatrix, a mean looking Slytherin girl, pointing to something up above and laughing. James looked up and noticed that someone had used a spell to create the writing "watch out, watch out where ever you are, We're coming for you Mudbloods!" to appear in the seemingly peaceful sky above. He stood up and sent a counter curse at it before even any of Bellarix's friends got a chance to truly admire it. In fact the only two people in the room that seemed to notice this turn of events was Bellatrix (who had murder in her eyes when she saw that it was James who had done it) and Professor Dumbledore who looked at him and smiled warmly. When the other Slytherins looked up they saw nothing but pink bunny hopping around and looked at Bella like she should be sent to saint Mungos for her apparent insanity.


	12. On the train

As the train began to pull away Lily took one more good look at Hogwarts. She knew that she would never be as safe as she was there.

She though about the death eaters and she wondered for a moment if Severus hated her so much now that he would do be willing to hurt her or her family. He was a death eater after all, and she was a Mudblood. Was their friendship worth anything anymore? No, she knew that their friendship meant nothing, but she still wouldn't believe that he would purposefully hurt her. She took a deep breath. _I wish things were different_. She thought.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Mary asked from across the compartment. Lily looked up "Oh, nothing. Just this stupid war." She said.

"Yea, it sucks doesn't it?"

"Yes, most definitely"

"Hey, did you hear that Dumbledore is getting a group of people together to fight against you know who. Like the anti death eaters. Cool, huh?"

"Yea, that's pretty cool. I'm glad someone if doing something to stop him."

"Yea, but you'd think he would just come out and fight him. Get this whole thing over with. He beat the last dark wizard, why not him?"

"I wish it were that easy." Lily said with a strained laugh.

The door of the compartment opened and Alice came in "Look who I found" She said as James and Sirius followed her in and Lily rolled her eyes "Great" she said under her breath and she looked out the window, she rather watch the empty hills roll by then have to suffer another empty conversation with James and Sirius.

"Hey Ladies!" Sirius said

James said nothing but sat next to Lily who was still looking away, James knew, to avoid him.

It was awkward for a moment until Mary said: "Alright, well I'll see you guys later." and she got up and dragged Alice with her. Sirius gladly followed sending an amused smile back to James.

James looked distressed. He had not intended on bombarding Lily like this. Lily looked over at Mary as she left shocked that her friend would abandon her. James looked down and said "Sorry about that, I didn't plan it, I swear."

"Yea, I'm sure."

"Really, I mean I wanted to talk to you. But I didn't want to force you to talk to me like this"

She looked over at him. "What did you want to talk about?" she asked half sincerely curious and half annoyed.

"Oh, uh. Nothing really. We just hadn't talked in a while… and well, I kind of missed you." He said while looking at the ground.

At first she believe his sincerity and therefore thought it sweet, but quickly changed her mind and decided that it must be some sick joke.

"Hmph. So you ignore me for months then all of the sudden you miss me, huh?"

James looked annoyed with a mix of pain as he said "I wasn't ignoring you." Of course he knew she was right but how could she explain to her why he had done it?

"Bull--" She began to say until they both heard a loud crash which brought them to their feet to look at the cause but as soon as they had, all of the lights on the train went out and dozens of people screamed.

They heard something out in the hall and James began to slid the door open. Lily grabbed his arm (with surprising accuracy since she couldn't see anything) and said "James, what are you doing?"

"stopping whatever it is that's happening."

"Its dangerous, It could be anything."

"We can't just stand back and let it happen, Lily. Stay here, I'll be fine" He opened the door and as he walked out he whispered "Lumos" His wand lit up and he saw nothing directly around him. Lily followed him, she wasn't going to let him go alone. She held her wand tightly but relied on his light to guide both of them. When they heard something up ahead but still couldn't see James grabbed something, shushed Lily and wrapped a cloak around the both of them.

They saw a figure looking towards them. The train was still moving quickly so it didn't seem likely that anyone new had climbed aboard. "James--" Lily whispered "Shh, its okay they can't see us. This is an invisibility cloak" and the were both silent. The figure started walking towards the front of the train away from the two of them, they followed. But soon their stranger was gone. "Where did he go?" Lily asked in a whisper.

"My guess is to stop the train." James said. She knew what that meant, the only reason to stop the train would be to let someone else on. Lily was so afraid that she grabbed James hand tightly. He wrapped his arm around her and said " Its going to be okay." and then the train began to slow. "You were right." Lily said with a trembling voice. The figure appeared again and the two quickly hid back in their compartment.

Lily slid from out of the cloak and sat down.

"I thought I heard someone!" A mans voice said just outside the compartment. He quickly came in and grabbed Lily by the arm. "You're a brave one aren't you, poppet, Wandering out there all alone."

"STUPIFY!" James yelled from under the cloak. The man didn't even have time to know see what was happening before he was on the floor. James grabbed Lily who looked as if she were ready to faint. "Shh, its okay." She hugged him tightly, all animosity forgotten.

Then, Sirius ran in followed shortly by Marry and Alice. "What's going on, we heard you cast the stunning spell, figured something was up."

Mary spotted the man on the floor and gasped. "Who is he?"

"A death eater. That's all I know." James said. "Listen, he stopped the train, we need to get it going again before someone else comes on." Sirius nodded. Lily loosened her grip but James held her as if she would fall apart if he let go. "No, I'm okay. You and Sirius go." She said standing up straight. James nodded and the two ran out towards the front of the train.

"What happened?" Mary asked as the three sat down. Lily pulled out her wand and lit the compartment so they could see each other. "We went out to check what was going on under James invisibility cloak. The man heard us, followed us back to the compartment and grabbed me when I got out from under it. He didn't know James was here too."

"James has an invisibly cloak. That's awesome."

Lily laughed "Yea, awesome." she said "I can't believe I freaked like that. James kept his head and probably saved my life."


	13. Summer

Lily was sitting in her bedroom reading a book about charms when she heard a tap on the window. She turned to see a brown owl, assuming it to be the daily profit she pulled out two knuts but when she opened the window she realized that it was a note from James. She opened it and read:

_Sorry it took me so long to write back, I have been meaning to but my dad has been really busy working with Dumbledore and the rest of the order and I have been doing whatever I could to help. _

_It is only getting worse, my dad is really worried and my mom hasn't left the house all summer. I'm surprised she lets me out. How is it going there with you? Its so weird to think that the muggles you live near don't know anything about what going on. Stay safe, please._

_I will see you soon. _

_James_

James and Lily had been wiring each other all summer. Not too much, just a note here or there about how they are. Lily had no idea what she felt about James anymore but decided not even to think about it. They mostly talked about you-know-who and what else had been going on lately so it wasn't as though their relationship had taken a different turn, just merely got rolling again. Lily was immensely impressed by all that he had been doing for Dumbledore and his order, the ones who fight against you-know-who. She almost wished she could have a bigger part in it, but she was still a little bit afraid. She knew because she was a Mudblood she would be a target. She was worried most of all for her family. But she was still much too young regardless.

She had only seen Severus once the whole summer. He passed her and her sister on the street with Bellatrix and another young death eater who sneered at her. She barely looked at them. They knew where she and her family lived so it wouldn't be hard for them to find her if they wanted to. She trusted Severus not to purposefully put her in danger but not Bellatrix or any of the others.

After reading James note she decided to go for another walk, she wasn't in the mood to write to him. She walked to the end of the road towards where Sev. lives but turned the opposite direction not wanting to even think about him. Although that didn't work. She missed him. They had been best friends even since she had learned that she was a witch. Even when they were put into different houses at Hogwarts they still spent a lot of time together. It hurt her to know what he was doing. Ever since he called her a Mudblood they hadn't been the same. She could have forgiven him for it if she didn't know that because of his role with you-know-who that they could never be friends anyway. He hated Mudbloods and made it widely know, so why was she any different. He hated the others and said that they shouldn't be able to go to school with them so why did Severus still want to be her friend? _No, they could never be friends_. Lily thought and then started to cry. Why did it have to be that way? Why did he choose to be friends with those _evil_ people.

As she walked she saw someone standing by the swings of the play ground and stopped. It was him, Severus. She quickly whipped her eyes and seeing as he was along she decided to walk over to him. He smiled a sad smile as she came near. "Hey, Lily." He said.

"Hey." she said not looking him in the eye. Niether said anything for a few moments.

"Do you remember when we first met Lily?" he asked as he walked over and picked up a flower.

"Of course." She said with a sincere smile. He took a deep breath and turned to her quickly.

"Will you promise me something, Lily?" He asked

"What is it Sev.?"

Whatever it was it was difficult for him to say. He made a face like he was in pain but finally got out: "….No matter what happens…. Promise me you wont hate me?"

Lily looked at him sadly. "Sev…"

"Promise me!… please."

"I promise" She whispered. After a few moments she asked. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"The _only_ thing I can tell you, Lily. Is that I miss you."

" I miss you too, Sev." she said and he turned and walked away. She sat on the swing for about an hour just rocking back and forth thinking about the past, and the future. _What other friends will be torn from me? _she thought.

__________

When she got home she found that the Daily profit had arrived. She opened it up and read about more disappearances. There was a long front page article about the frequent attacks on muggle homes. One muggle born girls family had been attacked. Lily didn't know her well but she had divination with her at Hogwarts once. She didn't look at the paper long before realizing that it will only make her more depressed so she gave up and decided to respond to James letter.

_Its absolutely dreary here. Its abnormally quiet and depressing and cold. The muggles don't know what is going on but they can tell that something is off. _

_It makes me feel very alone. _

_I saw Severus again today. He was alone for once. _

_I just cant wait to get back to Hogwarts. I am afraid of what will happen after this year though, we cant go back to hiding at Hogwarts. What will we do?_

_Lily_

She didn't tell him much, but it was nice to know she had someone to talk to. After she sent the letter she sat back down to read but this time she picked up a defense against the dark arts book and began to read. She decided that the better prepared she was the better.

It only took about 2 hours for her to receive one more letter from James. It read:

_Your never alone. I will always be here._

_James._


	14. Tragedy

_Sorry its been so long. Here is a short chapter to get the ball rolling again. Heads up: its a sad one, the rest is inhertitly darker and intense but that is just the way things have to be. _

Lily sat on the cold chair silently staring at the floor. Her mind was completely blank… she didn't want to think about anything. Everything that surrounded her felt cold.

She was back at Hogwarts but it all felt empty now. She felt guilty; guilty that she wasn't there when her family needed her. She couldn't even go home, that is what they wanted her to do. Her parents were gone- forever and her sister hated her.

She pictured it in a million different ways. Was is really an accident? Somehow she couldn't believe that.

"Come in Lily."

Lily absent mindedly walked into the head masters office but didn't look him in the eye.

"Lily…" Dumbledore said quietly "I am very sorry for all that you have been through. I hope that you know that I will do anything I can to help you."

"Professor?" She said looking up at him.

"Yes, my dear?"

"I just want to know, was it really an accident?"

He looked at her gravely. " I don't know. It is hard to say. Car accidents happen often in the muggle world. It may just be a mere coincidence that it happened during these troubled times in our world, but maybe not."

She nodded.

"What do you think?"

"I think they did it get to me."

He nodded. "And does that make you scared?"

"No." she said "Angry maybe, but not scared."

"I'm glad. That is what they want. Even if it was just an accident _he_ would love to turn it against you. Fear is their greatest weapon."

Lily nodded.

"Can I ask you a question Lily?"

She nodded.

"How are things here at Hogwarts? I have an idea but things must be different through a students eyes."

She shrugged. "There are more incidents than last year. The students who support You-know-who are becoming braver, they're doing more and more it seems. James has been doing a pretty good job of stopping them as head boy but the castle is a pretty big place."

"That is what I was thinking. I want you to help him Lily. I know that you are in a difficult position right now but I trust you."

"Why didn't you name me Head girl before the semester started last month, Professor?"

"I didn't want put you into such a large roll without not only knowing that you were ready for it. You would have, of course, been the natural choice under normal circumstances but it may be dangerous now. I am afraid that if you choose to work for me as Head girl you might as well be pledging your allegiance to me and the order of the phoenix, at least that is how the death eaters will see it. You will be a target, even more so than just being a muggle born. It wouldn't be fair to force you to put yourself in danger for the school without your permission."

She nodded. "Yes, I am willing."


	15. first day as Head girl

Lily just sat there starring at the fire as James sat across the common room watching her watch the fire. She seemed strange. He considered trying to talk to her but wasn't sure what he would say.

Sirius waved his hand in front of James' face. "Earth to Prongs!"

James looked over to him. "What?"

"You alright?"

"Fine. Why?" James responded absently while still watching Lily.

"Well, I've been trying to talk to you for about ten minutes now."

"Sorry mate. Just a little distracted."

"By your dear friend Lily Evans?"

James looked at him and smiled. Sometimes Sirius saw right through him, he understood him better than anyone else but then again sometimes he just missed the point.

"Yes."

"I wondered when this would happen."

"It's not what you think."

"No? So you weren't thinking of a new creative way of asking her out? Or at least contemplating do so?"

James continued to smile. "No."

Sirius' eyes narrowed. "No?"

James took a deep breath and his smiled faded. "Things change mate. Not everything is a game… not anymore."

"So what is it then?"

James shrugged. "Something's wrong."

Sirius looked over to Lily and nodded. "I guess I just wish everything was back to the way it was before. Messing with first years, pranks, games."

"Me too."

James stood quickly when he heard a loud sound out in the hall. The rest of the common room grew quiet just waiting for something terrible to happen. James grabbed his wand quickly and started out the portrait hole but someone was following him. He turned quickly to see Lily wand in hand.

"What are you doing?" James asked a little harshly.

"I'm coming with you." Lily said without any inflection. Her face was hard and determined.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Dumbledore gave this job to me…"

"Well he recently gave it to me too." She said as she pulled out her head girl badge. James looked a bit shocked.

"When did this happen?" he asked.

"Yesterday…" Lily quickly turned her head as they heard another loud crash "We should get going." she said.

James nodded and began to head the rest of the way out of the portrait hole but paused and turned back. "You sure about this?"

"Yes. Just go." she said and pushed him out.

It was an hour before they made their way back to the common room smiling.

Just about everyone stopped to look at them confused. They sat on the floor by the fire and Sirius and Lupin eventually joined them. "So… are you holding out on us and pulled a prank on first years or what?" Sirius asked.

"Or did you just have fun kicking death eater butt?" Lupin added.

James laughed a little. "I suppose we did have a bit of fun but it wasn't quiet what you think."

"What was it?"

"Some Slytherin's convinced a scared second year to set off few fire works near by."

"That sounds boring." Siruis said as he yawn for dramatic effect.

"It was an easy one, sure," Lily said "but it just goes to show what fear can do to people. What would that second year have done if he had been threatened into cursing someone or worse?"

"A second year couldn't really have done much damage." Lupin said seriously.

"No, but what about a fourth or fifth year?"

"Still…"

"We can't always be there, Dumbledore can't always be there."

They nodded.

"So, tell us what happened?" Sirius asked excitedly.

Lily smiled as James told the whole story. They were all laughing by the end of it. It felt good to laugh, it was something Lily felt like she would never do after her parents death. But then again with James around she knew there would never be a shortage of laughter even in the darkest of times. She felt comforted by that thought knowing that he would always be around to make her smile.


End file.
